When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
"The valley of the shadow of death", refers to anywhere within a 25 mile radius of Jack Bauer.
The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.